I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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