That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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