It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
