so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
