i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sorry about my life...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
