last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
