I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
