My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
