I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
