I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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