I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I puked a lego.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
