Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
