Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
