Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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