a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
