I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
