I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
