we're chasing vodka with high fives
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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