Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
whose parrot is this?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
