This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
