everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
