I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
