So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
