Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
