I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
