I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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