Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
