you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
