He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
