I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
