I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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