OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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