Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
