Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
