Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
