Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
