when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
