i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
