dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
