Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
