I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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