I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Even my vagina gasped.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i need some magic done to my vagina
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
