Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
