and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
