I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
