Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
