You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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