Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
