my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
