pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
