If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
