I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
