His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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